Wednesday, June 23, 2010

"I don't get along with girls"

I hate this excuse. The girls I work with at the treatment center make this excuse all of the time. Here is what I chalk it up to (most of the time):

Most girls in this world (ages 10-29) go through a period of struggling with their self esteem. For some this can result in some pretty devastating circumstances (drugs, sex, rock&roll). For others, it can turn them hard and defensive. Both results create an "I don't get along with girls" attitude.

From what I have seen, once a girl starts to feel confident about herself and appreciative and empathetic for those that struggle with their own self esteem, it is then that a girl can then be "get along" with other girls. Sometimes this may take several years and be into their 30's by the time this confidence and security sets in. Sometimes it never does.

I don't think that in order to have a successful or happy life, girls have to get along with other girls. I have just found in my own life, I feel happier when I am not in conflict with someone else. And to be in conflict with an entire gender would make me miserable.

Currently I am in conflict with someone. Not anyone that I am particularly close to, or even know well at all. However, it has consumed me for the past few days. I said something about this person that was rude (I called her a BEOTCH. Not a bitch. A BEOTCH. In my land, there is a very distinct difference). It was a general statement, based on my limited interaction with her. Now, in no way did I mean this as an attack, it was a simple statement. However, I understand that this was rude and could be seen as an attack on her personal character.

For those of you that know me well, know that I have a mouth, a bad one. And I tend to go off and say silly things sometimes, mostly sarcastic comments. This situation was one of those. Although, I do think that this particular girl is kind of snotty, probably because she has stated that she is not "friends with girls," that's not why I don't like her, but as stated above, girls that have this attitude usually come off defensive and sometimes snotty (which is a defense mechanism that relates to low self esteem or lack of self confidence). I don't really NOT like her, I just have not had any positive experiences with her. Which in my world means that she is a BEOTCH.

We all live in our own little worlds. I think we all need to remember, at times, that we are guests in everyone's world.

So welcome to my world. I have lots of opinions. Although they may be incorrect, they are mine. And opinions make us who we are. As well as our actions, and I would say that my actions are genuine and kind.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Don't worry about it

Alright people - I'm not a freak and I'm fine. Thanks for caring.
Sometimes I just need to write down what I am feeling and get it out and express it.
As some of you may not know, I was recently let go from my job at the ECT clinic. I am so distraught and whenever I think about it, I cry. I miss my family there. Over the past three years, I have become very close to not only the staff but also the patients. Depression is such a terrible disease and in such a small clinic one becomes VERY close to the patients that we see. Some are regulars, they come in every 2-5 weeks. I've seen so many people go through the clinic and I have seen their lives change. I believe in everything that the ECT clinic does, and every staff that works there. And I miss my family there.
I feel such a huge loss and I do feel a huge piece of my heart is missing. I feel empty. It was more than just a job for me. I believed in my work and I believed in helping people.

I know that I can continue helping others and move on with my life. I am excited about the new position I will be working at the adolescent treatment center. I am excited that I will be able to use a lot of my skills that I have learned over the years. And I am glad that I am still able to make an impact on other people's lives.

Goodbye to my ECT family - hopefully I can come back someday.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

I should write more

I was inspired today to actually write more on this blog. Not to make money (haha) but to feel a sense of purpose. Sometimes when I get really depressed, I lose my sense of purpose and I feel like I don't have purpose anymore and that there may not be any reason to continue. I'm glad that I am not the only person that feels this. After reading this I felt purpose again. I'm not sure what the purpose is, but it's something.
Currently, I'm at a fork in the road. Where do I go from here? This was not in my 5 year plan. I'm glad that I am not the only one who's 5 year plan was destroyed. I'm glad I'm not the only one who is sad a lot. I'm glad I'm not the only one who is afraid sometimes of what the future has and if I actually made the right decision.
So, for those of you that read this blog (although I know very few do), thank you for reading and hearing and listening.
I'm going to write more about what is real. My anger is expressed mostly, but there is more in there, I promise. I hurt too. I get really sad too. And sometimes, I don't want to live anymore. So for today I have purpose. Thanks.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A Terrific Gay Wedding Announcement

A Terrific Gay Wedding Announcement: "

I love an engaged lesbian couple with a sense of humor:

Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.... it's not as funny if a straight couple does it.
I guess if I ever get a divorce - I could also destroy the sanctity of marriage and have a party!

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